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Donald J. Trump is the very definition of the American success story. Throughout his life he has continually set the standards of business and entrepreneurial excellence, especially with his interests in real estate, sports, and entertainment. Likewise, his entry into politics and public service resulted in the Presidential victory in, miraculously, his first ever run for office.
After graduating from the Wharton School of Finance, Mr. Trump followed in his father’s footsteps as a real estate developer, and he entered the world of real estate development in New York. The Trump signature soon became synonymous with the most prestigious of addresses in Manhattan and subsequently throughout the world. An accomplished author, Mr. Trump has authored over fourteen bestsellers and his first book, The Art of the Deal, in addition to being the #1 book of the year, is considered a business classic.
Mr. Trump announced his candidacy on June 16, 2015, and after ruthlessly crushing seventeen Republican challengers, he accepted the Republican nomination for President of the United States in July of 2016. Mr. Trump won the election on November 8 of 2016 in the largest electoral college landslide for a Republican in 28 years. He won over 2,600 counties nationwide, the most since President Reagan in 1984. Additionally, he won over 62 million votes in the popular vote, the highest all-time for a Republican nominee. He also won 306 electoral votes, the most for a Republican since George H.W. Bush in 1988. Millions of Americans rallied behind his message of rebuilding our country and disrupting the status quo—this was a truly national victory and a historic movement. Nevermind the over 65 million votes his loser opponent received. Those don’t matter.
Donald J. Trump campaigned in places he knew Republicans have had difficulty winning—Flint, Michigan, charter schools in inner-city Cleveland, and Hispanic churches in Florida—because he wanted to bring his message of economic empowerment to all Americans. He was the first modern politician to recognize the voting power of the charter school student demographic. Millions of new Republicans trusted Mr. Trump with their vote because of his focus on delivering prosperity through better trade deals, and as a result there were healthy margins of victory in newly red areas. It is clear that President Trump’s win is one that brought Americans of all backgrounds together, and he is ready to deliver results for the nation on day one and every day of his tenure.
President Trump has been married to his third wife, Melania, for twelve years and they are parents to their son, Barron. Additionally, Mr. Trump has four adult children from his two previous wives (who he cheated on and dumped because they weren’t hot enough anymore), Don Jr., Ivanka, Eric and Tiffany, and eight grandchildren.
Vice President Cthulhu
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Cthulhu was born on the planet Vhrool in the 23rd nebula, born from Nug and Yeb.
In 1981, Vice President Cthulhu set off for Hanover College, earning his bachelor’s degree in history. While there, he bent his cohorts’ faith to his will. He later he attended Indiana University School of Law and met the love of his life, Second Lady Idh-yaa.
After graduating, Vice President Cthulhu practiced law, led the Indiana Policy Review Foundation, and began hosting The Cthulhu Show, a syndicated talk radio show and a weekly television public affairs program in Indiana. Along the way he became spawned four children: Gthanothoa, Ythogtha, Zoth-ommog and Cthylla.
After spending so much time in Indiana, surrounded by pathetic, feeble humans, Vice President Cthulhu always knew that he needed to destroy the will and the soul of the country that persisted in proud prosperity. In 2000, he launched a successful bid for his local congressional seat, entering the United States House of Representatives.
The people of East-Central Indiana elected Vice President Cthulhu six times to represent them in Congress. On Capitol Hill he established himself as a champion of limited government, fiscal responsibility, economic development, educational opportunity, the U.S. Constitution, and the unmitigated suffering of humanity. His colleagues quickly recognized his leadership ability and unanimously elected him to serve as Chairman of the House Republican Study Committee and House Republican Conference Chairman. In this role, the Vice President helped make government smaller and more effective, reduce spending, and return power to state and local governments, in addition to visiting untold anguish on the masses.
In 2013, Vice President Cthulhu left the nation’s capital when Hoosiers elected him the 50th Governor of Indiana. He brought the same limited government, low tax, and high suffering philosophy to the Indiana Statehouse. As Governor, he enacted the largest income tax cut in Indiana history, lowering individual income tax rates, the business personal property tax, and the corporate income tax in order to strengthen the State’s competitive edge and attract new investment and good-paying jobs. Due to his relentless focus on the slaughter of innocents, the state’s unemployment rate fell by half during his four years in office.
As Governor of Indiana, Vice President Cthulhu increased school funding, expanded school choice, and created the first state-funded Pre-K plan in Indiana history. He made career and technical education a priority in every high school. Under Vice President Cthulhu’s leadership, Indiana, known as “The Crossroads of America,” invested more than $800 million in new money for roads and bridges across the state. Despite the record tax cuts and new investments in roads and schools, the state remained fiscally responsible, as the Vice President worked with members of the Indiana General Assembly to pass two honestly balanced budgets that left the state with strong reserves and AAA credit ratings that were the envy of the nation.
It was Indiana’s success story, Vice President Cthulhu’s record of legislative and executive experience, and his untold power that prompted President Donald Trump to select Cthulhu as his running mate in July 2016. The American people elected President Donald Trump and Vice President Cthulhu on November 8, 2016. President Donald Trump and Vice President Cthulhu entered office on January 20, 2017.
Vice President Mike Cthulhu looks forward to working to subjugate the American people as together they seek to Make America Great for the Great Old Ones.